Queen Elizabeth’s timeless advice transformed Jackie Kennedy’s view of royal life and fame
A simple yet profound piece of counsel from Queen Elizabeth II reshaped how Jackie Kennedy approached the intense scrutiny of public life. The advice came during a pivotal 1961 meeting at Buckingham Palace, when the American first lady accompanied President John F. Kennedy on an overseas visit. According to Caroline Hallemann, who penned “The Kennedys & the Windsors,” the monarch’s wisdom left an indelible impression on the young first lady during a time when she was still adjusting to the relentless spotlight of her new role.
The encounter between these two iconic women revealed stark contrasts in their experiences with fame and duty. While Jackie Kennedy was navigating her fresh position as first lady with characteristic grace and style, Queen Elizabeth had already shouldered the weight of the crown for several years. During their conversation, Kennedy opened up about her struggles during a recent Canadian tour, expressing difficulty with the constant public attention. The queen’s response was succinct but powerful: “You learn to save yourself.” This phrase encapsulated a survival strategy the monarch had developed through years of royal service and would prove invaluable to Kennedy in the years ahead.
Initial disappointment with palace grandeur
Despite her excitement about meeting British royalty, the first lady’s first impressions of Buckingham Palace fell short of expectations. Kennedy reportedly found the historic residence drafty and aging, lacking the splendor she had imagined. The experience was said to have sparked ideas about how she might restore the White House to ensure it wouldn’t disappoint visitors in similar fashion. Her friend Cecil Beaton, a renowned photographer and chronicler of high society, documented in his diaries that while Kennedy found the royals “tremendously kind and nice,” she remained unimpressed by the palace’s floral arrangements, furnishings, and even the queen’s dark blue tulle gown with shoulder straps and simple hairstyle.
Royal commentator Meredith Constant suggested this reaction was typical of American perceptions of British monarchy. Many Americans harbored grander notions of royal life than reality presented. Interestingly, Kennedy had encountered the royal family a decade earlier in 1951, when she worked as an inquiring camera girl for the Washington Times-Herald during Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip’s Washington visit. Even then, she had questioned whether the princess matched her pictures, suggesting she had built up idealized expectations that the actual meeting couldn’t quite fulfill.
Diplomatic tensions before the visit
The meeting nearly faced complications due to protocol concerns involving Kennedy’s sister and brother-in-law. Lee Radziwill and her husband, Prince Stanisław Albrecht Radziwiłł of Poland, lived in London with their infant daughter, and Jackie hoped they would attend the palace dinner. However, both had previous marriages ending in divorce, creating a delicate situation. As head of the Church of England, which frowned upon divorce and remarriage at the time, Queen Elizabeth initially deemed it inappropriate to host the couple. Only after diplomatic negotiations did the queen relent and allow their attendance.
Kennedy also couldn’t completely mask her disappointment with the guest list. She had hoped to meet Princess Margaret and Princess Marina of Kent, whom President Kennedy had known during his time in London before the war. Neither royal attended the event. Kennedy later quipped to writer Gore Vidal, whom she considered a pseudo-stepbrother, that the dinner featured “no Margaret, no Marina, no one except every Commonwealth minister of agriculture they could find.” The remark revealed her frustration with what she perceived as a missed opportunity for more engaging company.
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Fashion contrast highlighted different worlds
The visual differences between the two women at the palace dinner symbolized their divergent positions and eras. Queen Elizabeth wore a voluminous gown adorned with sapphires and diamonds, reflecting traditional royal formality. In contrast, Kennedy chose a sleek, modern ensemble that British observers described as elegant and contemporary. The comparison cemented Kennedy’s status as a fashion icon in the United Kingdom and beyond. Royal broadcaster Ian Pelham Turner explained that the queen’s simpler attire reflected post-World War II sensibilities, when the country was still recovering economically. Elizabeth deliberately avoided flamboyance, preferring to connect with ordinary citizens. Her shorter hairstyle mirrored trends among military officers’ wives of the period, emphasizing practicality over glamour.
The contrast extended beyond clothing to their entire approach to public life. Kennedy had been raised in a world where designers competed to dress her, giving her access to cutting-edge fashion. The queen, however, represented an institution spanning more than a millennium, with expectations and traditions that prioritized continuity over contemporary style. According to reports, Kennedy privately told Gore Vidal she found Prince Philip “nice but nervous” and the queen “pretty heavy-going” in her reserved politeness. When Vidal later shared this assessment with Princess Margaret, the royal reportedly retorted, “But that’s what she’s there for,” defending her sister’s formal demeanor as appropriate to her role.
Common ground and lasting impact
Despite their differences, the two women discovered shared interests that helped bridge the gap between their worlds. Both were passionate about horses and equestrian pursuits, providing natural conversation topics. British broadcaster and photographer Helena Chard noted that this mutual interest allowed them to warm to each other during their time together. Royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams emphasized that the women inhabited fundamentally different worlds. The Kennedys possessed a unique iconic glamour, while the queen represented centuries of institutional history. They had little common ground beyond their love of horses and the burdens of living under constant public scrutiny.
Over time, relations between them softened significantly. Tragedy and shared experiences of loss would later create deeper understanding between the two women. The queen’s advice about learning to save oneself reportedly stayed with Kennedy throughout her life, particularly after the assassination of President Kennedy in 1963. The wisdom of pacing oneself for the long haul, rather than expending all energy at once, proved prophetic. Both women would face decades in the public eye, managing fame, grief, and duty in ways that would define their legacies for generations to come.
